Hello everyone my name is Johnny Ramirez. I was introduced to Mendable by coming across the title Mens Mental health and it captured me. Sophia welcomed me with open arms as everyone did too. My story began when I was around 14 years old. About to enter high school. Mom and pops split up due to my pops drinking and the abuse that came with alcohol. I am the 3rd oldest of 7. My mom raised us as best as she can. Poor but love pulled us through. However our father kept coming around trying to make amends with us but his apology was just a broken record we’ve heard plenty of times. Well I fell for it and moved in with him so that it takes the stress off of mom having to find a way for me to get to school. My pops lived right down the road to a new big high school I was oh so nervous to be at. so I put my pride away and gave my pops a second chance. Even if it was for the wrong reasons. One day he failed to keep sober and was drinking. I stayed in my room and let him be. My older sister stopped by to take me to the movies. I yelled from the top window that I’m coming. Well as I’m getting ready I heard hollaring down stairs. I looked outside and seen my dad arguing with pops. Well one thing we all know is you can’t win with an argument with a drunk. So he proved that to her as he slapped her not once but twice because she dared him! Well the second thing is you dare not to dare a drunk as that person will take that dare As pops did! She got in her car with tears down her cheeks and drove off. Now I was so mad! Angry and sad. I heard pops footsteps coming up and my heart beat was high. I thought the beating is gonna continue with me. As he open the door he looked at me with the eyes that I remember before mom left him. I hated him! I was mad and wanted to tell him off but I was scared. He put the fright in me. A half hour later but seemed forever my mom came with my brother and cousin. My mom in the middle and my older brother by her side and my cousin on the other. I ran down to get away but pops was in the front door way standing there yelling at my mom as mom is yelling at him. Almost challenging each other. Oh boy this isn’t easy to write…. all I can see is my dads silhouette and he was a big man. Slim with big hands and always a well dresser but almost like a old gangster. Anyways i seen my pops had a knife in his back pocket. I jumped up and down to see over his shoulder to tell my mom or warn her! But with all the yelling and commotion nobody heard me or can see me. So once my pops stepped out front from the door way I seen light that I can fit through as I was a very skinny young man. Before that a thought came to me and said “ grab his knife from his back pocket and throw it as you run!” But something also said “ grab that knife on the kitchen counter that’s next to the doorway pops was blocking just in case my first thought didnt work!” So as I ran for my way out I did exactly that. I grabbed the knife from the kitchen then I grabbed his knife out of his back pocket and pulled it out and ran!! Well that was the plan and it worked the way my head said it would! The only thing that didn’t work I stopped next to my pops instead of running and I swung and swung and swung at his torso until something hurt my hand and by then my mom and brother and cousin were pulling me off of my father. I poured into my moms arms crying and realized I stabbed my father! the man that was suppose to protect us! The man that was suppose to love me. The man that brought me into this world! My father! My dad! The man I once loved. as we drove away before the cops got there I seen 3 spots of blood pouring out of my pops stomach. 2 cuts in his arm as one was a vein gushing out of his arm. He just stood there. Didn’t budge didn’t say a word. Just looked at us driving away. The cops later handcuffed me and put me in the car. At this point I thought my father is going to die as the medics are putting him on a gurney and I’m going to jail for killing my father. I told my story to the cops and they didn’t believe me as they only found 1 knife. Mine! The steak flemsey knife which makes sense why my hand hurt me as I was swinging it. The knife had folded over into my hand. Well after telling my story over and over the officer let me go as they found the knife my pops had. he hid it under the couch but he left a blood trail which led the police to it. This event I carried all my life. I stand until this day by trying to be the beat man and father and husband I can. by doing what my father couldnt. The only lesson he ever taught me and he didn’t even know it. My pops and I forgave each other later in life I say about 10 years later after the event. And now my father has passed and I do forgive him. It took me a long time to forgive me. It took forever to shake it off as I used this event for every excuse I possibly could. But yet I stand. But in order to get by I take meds for depression not because I’m sad but because something in my brain is now off. my dads event is what triggered my ptsd and the events from gang life didn’t help. But again I’m here! I take care of myself with good people around me. My family. My mendable family and most of all in Gods trust and love. Thank you for letting me tell my story. I truly love you all!
Johnny Joe Ramirez