"Testimony Time": Hello Mendable Family!

After spending 8yrs in the British army, shortly before ending my career I had a relationship break up and lost two friends to suicide.

This really affected but at the time I chose to bottle it up and not speak about what was on my mind, I refused helping hands from family and friends and pushed them away.

Understandable my health began to deteriorate, to the stage where I was battling suicidal ideation on a daily basis. Depression was in control my motivation was gone and I was not kind to myself. In honesty I have never been so scared in my life, I lost my motivation, my ability to retain information, my confidence and myself overall. Eventually I seeked helped and thinking back I wish I had done it much sooner. I completed some therapy (CBT), returned to the gym,changed my bad habits which only made me sink further, and welcomed more positivity into my life. I now speak openly about my thoughts,feeling‘s and emotions and would encourage all men to do the same. Remember therapy is healthy and you don’t have to be in a bad place to be engaging in it. Look after your mh it’s important and remember you are not alone 🙏🏾❤️ always be your authentic self, speak your truth and remember “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don‘t matter.” - Bernard Baruch

· What is your passion? Passion is purpose. Meeting people and helping people discover their purpose. I love Vehicle’s e.g., car, trucks, and mechanics. Passion for women and creating intimacy. Being connected to people, whether it is an intimate relationship or friendships.

· What do you fear? Strong fear of failure, being misunderstood, being judged, becoming a statistic, being disconnected from people (people that I love).

· What is your goal in life? Fulfil my purpose. Through relationships, discovering people, leveraging mental health, and helping people discover themselves.

· Biggest struggle they have been dealing with? Navigating expectations, being patient with myself. Organisation, social structure, and anxiety that comes with not meeting that. Not understanding why, I am not doing things. Comparing myself to others.

· Biggest hurdle they have overcome: mental health and my submission to my

Testimony

Growing with both parents’ who suffered with alcoholism. Also was had ingrained family trauma by from being slaves in Louisiana. My Mum is a by product of a one night stand and did not know her dad. She suffered domestic violence and sexual assault. My Father grew up in the home with emotionally disconnected dad and he had no masculine figure he could look up to. I grew up with a lot of insecurities which differed from my sister who was an extrovert and complete opposite.

Growing up teachers and parents have a difficulty navigating me and found me difficult to keep quiet and still. At high school I felt more relaxed even though at home my mum used violence to try to keep me under control. Because of this I found it better to be out of the house away from the beatings. I even have one memory of an outside force which I believe to be my dad stopping my mum from beating and killing me. At 14 years old I was able to stand up for myself. Domestic violence is something that I grew up with and I also had to deal with the emotional pain of why I am here, nobody likes me or wants me.

In High school I felt more at home. I joined a Little League Team and realised that this was a good way to release some of my anger. I was also able to meet men who cared about me outside of my father. They taught me how to work through my problems.

I was raised as in a 7 day Adventist church and maintained my Christian beliefs up until 27. I grew up with a lot of fear. I was afraid that my family would not accept me. After 9/11 I got involved in a lot of religious campaigns that feared that god would come soon and other religious extremities. It was religious abuse. I met my wife, and both started taking on characteristic of judgement, focusing on the return of Christ and thinking that we would not survive on earth. Looking back, we were really depressed. I started questioning religion in my 20s and realised I could not move forward still believing.

I Joined the military 2005 and got married 2006. 9 months after my marriage, I was sent to Iraq. I was a military policeman and fell in love with the military culture. I could see that people valued me when my Family never had. There was a culture of teamwork and a streak of violent nature which I enjoyed.

In my marriage I thought love could keep us together, but realised money was also an issue.

When I came out of the military, I became very angry, and I did not like people’s perception that I was a killer. I could see that family and college peers did not feel safe around me. In 2010 I moved across to special forces. I went through a lot of traumatic experiences, such as picking up body parts and civilian casualties. It got dark after that because I had the expectation, I created and a lot of anger. I became a drill sergeant and wanted to help war fighters. However, it was different as it was an all-female environment which brought up my sexist issues and dis-trust with women. I never felt like I was seen by black women. This triggered a lot of issues. One day I was sent home. I was frustrated with one of the soldiers and lashed out. It is the first time that ever happened and I was told to go home and relax. My life spiralled out of control and I could have become an alcoholic. I was not happy with my life and could not be happy with my marriage.

I realised that I had a Sexual Addiction and gave into alcoholism. My sexual addiction was with the consent of my wife and did not do anything without her knowledge. We would have sexual experiences together but looking back I knew she only did this for me. This built resentment as she wanted a family and was excited about marriage and kids. I wanted to go out, play football, go to school but with a wife and kids I would have to work and create money. This was my victim mentality state. In this state I could just blame my wife for the reason I was not happy. I then moved to one of the hardest places, Alska. I know this was to punish my wife. I created sexual connections, infatuation and it was a very challenging and toxic environment.

I wanted to overcome this and build friendship and commitment with my wife. However, it already broke us, especially when she did not want to purse her career wanted to stay at home with the children. I was angry and felt that she was quitting on me. I thought that I was going to have to work twice as hard and felt resentful and jealous. The relationship completely fell apart. She went into her dark space. I had been in my dark space for a while, but I was not aware. It got bad. She could not take care of herself.

I thought god had betrayed me when I was in a dark place. I was very angry and removed my membership from the church.

Sexual dynamics was a strong issue with the wife. I was verbally abusive. I received the same from my mum and duplicated it. My Wife told me the relationship was over and I did not hear from her for 2 months. She called my military unit and got job involved, which consequently caused me to lose promotion opportunities because of the domestic relationship issues. I did not know where my family was. My wife had told people I sexually assault my daughter. I told my wife that she is not the same person anymore. The family supported her and at first believed everything she said. However, they soon realised that things were not adding up. The Family start seeing her depression. I do not know where my kids are and found it so hard. I could not sleep and found it very hard and reached out to a therapist for help. I sat down with a male therapist and went through my childhood trauma.

In 2018 we worked through the issues. I Have so much love and patience and grace for her. We healed and came back together. She got pregnant and is working every day on her mental health issues. Although there was a moment when I snapped. I heard my wife was beating the kids. This brought back a lot of issues from childhood. I wanted to heal and heal the alcoholism and addiction and went through the clinical psychology route to work on past insecurity and fears.

I now am focused on building my mental health, turning pain into purpose, help others with healing and forgiving my self and others for the pain.

Jaihon Spivey 33 I was shot in my head i was 1️⃣7️⃣ i got locked in prison i didn’t come home till I was 26 four months I came home I listen to my pastor and walked back into church I knew I was bad I thought why go to church knowing if I walk out and if you do something 🤐 it was something about his word I put in a home plan to fly ✈️ to California he came and saw me that week I wanted California he wanted to see me to seceded his wife sis Roberts gave me house rent free till I get a job my church will pay my light and gas bill; I went to college and graduated for business Management I knew I had it it in me ;but I know I can run something big if I did it inside prison; my mentally for it I always been a music freak city spud

donated and got a studio built about the time I got my hands on it I felt honored a privilege to be doing this in prison let’s just say every time we had a consert we rocced it .time,time was a problem for me mentally because I felt the people had a head start I ended up getting 2 women pregnant at the sam time my pastor would make sure I was good he knew I didn’t have.

I got a job working home health care ,got a letter of acceptance working for his wife I will always believe and keep going it was her that made me look she never gave up writing me she would ✍️ For years I never wrote back I let my friend talk me into to read her letter GODHELPINGHANDS walkEd back to church because of her when I got offered the house I was not told I had to go To church for the love for GOD I went to show my support then the church became my family . I still had the men from prison : I saw someone on the substtaion was going to 🤐bu it being so many people on there 💭 thank GODhelpingHANDS I did do it I wa giving 2 years in prison for that I ended having 2 kids in prison I knew as a man I to be a good father I was ordered to pay a dollar for child support every month which I did but I was also was was looked at to pay child support and buy things I can’t see her I have to leave things at the door leave I really didn’t like them in my business when i wanted to be a father to girl I had to realize ,time will work out my dude ,my hero,(my son I kept him with me for not having sex with my x friend I was set up and stop word lucky I wasn’t having her I when I pulled up they shot from the house by the sounds being loud my son 2year old at the time in the back seat he started to cry his Sound kept m going I knew I had to get to the hospital by me driving for a while he started to stop crying I felt me slipping I pulled over and went it a coma the video started of live he ju so happens to be on the street I pullf over on someo heard my son crying they saw me called the police I thank God for them they got there fast I wake up in a nursing home I can only move my neck and right leg i have two more kids in this process I live in a room now doing my beats my music and the business tip had to bring my self up I could not get help from the state much so I did if you rem I told what I could move I started to move it took 8 months after to get sound I never looked at this as I can’t I been pushing going i was to young and didn’t work long enough so the state could not help I took that music and used it ayyy type jaihonspivey youtube look for 🎼🎙🎼 I say talented my mind me and my son are best friends my kid will know there dad was shot in the head and still tried to drive himself to hospital nothing is impossible keep going im going I know you can really 🙏🙏🙏🙏don’t stop jaihon spivey