Join date: May 20, 2021
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Hi there , just a little about myself , I lost my friend a fair few years ago , we always knew each other and grew up together but our friendship didnt really kick off till our late teenage years , we were very similar and hit it off just being lads having a laugh and enjoying ourselves . When he was taken from us it hit me hard but i chose not to show it keeping it bottled up , three months later I decided to jack my job in and become a scaffolder just like him I thought this would help my grief , I never told anyone how i felt , at first I felt good about it , all he wanted to do was be like his charge hand and eventually become a scaffold contracts manager , this was the man he was with when he died , I chose to pick him to train me to scaffold , this was hard very hard because i blamed him for his death , I suppressed my emotions biting my tounge every day, this made me guarded and angry not trusting anyone , I wanted to become as good as my friend Phil that died and made me very focused , this had profound effects on my life I never knew at the time , but my relationships failed , I ended getting into drinks and drugs and became very angry getting into dramas all the time , always debating whether I deserved to live or die , almost becoming self destructive , I did eventually become a scaffold contracts manager 15 years later , this is when I thought my pain would end but it seemed to be worse I had lost my purpose , my life nose dived so much I ended up looking in the mirror one day feeling heavy and the next thing I remember I was gasping for air with my ex girlfriend screaming and crying on top of me beating my chest , my health and life had gone to shit . I decided to do it all again at another firm from scratch to regain my health and purpose , it didnt work what so ever although my health returned , i achieved what i set out to do , I'd supressed so many emotions it turned me into a different person , it wasnt till I learnt to love myself and others and let my emotions out and grieve for my friend I was able to start to living my life as I should , I wouldnt of been able to deal with the suicide of my friend recently If i hadnt learned to come to terms with my emotions as a man , and let them out and talk to people about them , this is a stigma amongst men especially in the construction industry that needs to change as men we should al be able to confide in each other and be open with our emotions .

Phil Dunkley
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