Testimonials
Many Mendable people have been kind and given their testimonials for us to share with you and the rest of the world. It is important to know that you are not alone in this situation and reading and hearing other people that have gone through what you are experiencing can often help to make you realize, you are not alone. You are mendable!
Joshua
After spending 8yrs in the British army, shortly before ending my career I had a relationship break up and lost two friends to suicide.
This really affected but at the time I chose to bottle it up and not speak about what was on my mind, I refused helping hands from family and friends and pushed them away.
Understandable my health began to deteriorate, to the stage where I was battling suicidal ideation on a daily basis. Depression was in control my motivation was gone and I was not kind to myself.
In honesty I have never been so scared in my life, I lost my motivation, my ability to retain information, my confidence and myself overall.
Eventually I seeked helped and thinking back I wish I had done it much sooner. I completed some therapy (CBT), returned to the gym, changed my bad habits which only made me sink further, and welcomed more positivity into my life. I now speak openly about my thoughts, feeling‘s and emotions and would encourage all men to do the same. Remember therapy is healthy and you don’t have to be in a bad place to be engaging in it. Look after your mh it’s important and remember you are not alone 🙏🏾❤️ always be your authentic self, speak your truth and remember “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don‘t matter. ” - Bernard Baruch
Johnny
Hello everyone my name is Johnny Ramirez. I was introduced to Mendable by coming across the title Mens Mental health and it captured me. Sophia welcomed me with open arms as everyone did too.
My story began when I was around 14 years old. About to enter high school. Mom and pops split up due to my pops drinking and the abuse that came with alcohol. I am the 3rd oldest of 7. My mom raised us as best as she can. Poor but love pulled us through. However our father kept coming around trying to make amends with us but his apology was just a broken record we’ve heard plenty of times. Well I fell for it and moved in with him so that it takes the stress off of mom having to find a way for me to get to school. My pops lived right down the road to a new big high school I was oh so nervous to be at. so I put my pride away and gave my pops a second chance. Even if it was for the wrong reasons. One day he failed to keep sober and was drinking. I stayed in my room and let him be. My older sister stopped by to take me to the movies. I yelled from the top window that I’m coming. Well as I’m getting ready I heard hollaring down stairs. I looked outside and seen my dad arguing with pops. Well one thing we all know is you can’t win with an argument with a drunk. So he proved that to her as he slapped her not once but twice because she dared him! Well the second thing is you dare not to dare a drunk as that person will take that dare As pops did! She got in her car with tears down her cheeks and drove off. Now I was so mad! Angry and sad. I heard pops footsteps coming up and my heart beat was high. I thought the beating is gonna continue with me. As he open the door he looked at me with the eyes that I remember before mom left him. I hated him! I was mad and wanted to tell him off but I was scared. He put the fright in me. A half hour later but seemed forever my mom came with my brother and cousin. My mom in the middle and my older brother by her side and my cousin on the other. I ran down to get away but pops was in the front door way standing there yelling at my mom as mom is yelling at him. Almost challenging each other. Oh boy this isn’t easy to write…. all I can see is my dads silhouette and he was a big man. Slim with big hands and always a well dresser but almost like a old gangster. Anyways i seen my pops had a knife in his back pocket. I jumped up and down to see over his shoulder to tell my mom or warn her! But with all the yelling and commotion nobody heard me or can see me. So once my pops stepped out front from the door way I seen light that I can fit through as I was a very skinny young man. Before that a thought came to me and said “ grab his knife from his back pocket and throw it as you run!” But something also said “ grab that knife on the kitchen counter that’s next to the doorway pops was blocking just in case my first thought didnt work!” So as I ran for my way out I did exactly that. I grabbed the knife from the kitchen then I grabbed his knife out of his back pocket and pulled it out and ran!! Well that was the plan and it worked the way my head said it would! The only thing that didn’t work I stopped next to my pops instead of running and I swung and swung and swung at his torso until something hurt my hand and by then my mom and brother and cousin were pulling me off of my father. I poured into my moms arms crying and realized I stabbed my father! the man that was suppose to protect us! The man that was suppose to love me. The man that brought me into this world! My father! My dad! The man I once loved. as we drove away before the cops got there I seen 3 spots of blood pouring out of my pops stomach. 2 cuts in his arm as one was a vein gushing out of his arm. He just stood there. Didn’t budge didn’t say a word. Just looked at us driving away. The cops later handcuffed me and put me in the car. At this point I thought my father is going to die as the medics are putting him on a gurney and I’m going to jail for killing my father. I told my story to the cops and they didn’t believe me as they only found 1 knife. Mine! The steak flemsey knife which makes sense why my hand hurt me as I was swinging it. The knife had folded over into my hand. Well after telling my story over and over the officer let me go as they found the knife my pops had. he hid it under the couch but he left a blood trail which led the police to it. This event I carried all my life.
I stand until this day by trying to be the beat man and father and husband I can. by doing what my father couldnt. The only lesson he ever taught me and he didn’t even know it. My pops and I forgave each other later in life I say about 10 years later after the event. And now my father has passed and I do forgive him. It took me a long time to forgive me. It took forever to shake it off as I used this event for every excuse I possibly could. But yet I stand. But in order to get by I take meds for depression not because I’m sad but because something in my brain is now off. my dads event is what triggered my ptsd and the events from gang life didn’t help. But again I’m here! I take care of myself with good people around me. My family. My mendable family and most of all in Gods trust and love. Thank you for letting me tell my story. I truly love you all!
Johnny Joe Ramirez
Jaihon
Hi, my name is Jaihon Spivey, I am 34. At the age of 17, I went to prison. I came home from prison at the age of 26 . I listened to my pastor and walked back into church. I knew I had bad ways and I knew church could help me. It was something about his words. I put in a home plan to California, but the same week him and his wife came to see me in prison. I wanted to go to California but he seen differently and he wanted me to succeed. Him and his wife sister Robert’s gave me a house rent free till I could get on my feet. My church family paid my lights and gas until I could afford to. So, I came home back to St. Louis, I went to college when I came home. I was running a few things in prison so i went for business management. I knew I had what it takes for it. I always been a music freak. City Spud, the guy who wrote Country Grammar for Nelly he donated and we got a studio in prison. I felt honored because I was able to use it. Every time we got to perform we always rocked it . As years went mentally, I felt time was a problem and people had a head start on me.
I ended up getting two women pregnant at the same time when I came home. I got a job working for home health care. I was working for my pastor's wife. I got a letter of acceptance to work for his wife. I will always believe and keep going. It was her who helped and push me for greatness. I have to say, when I was in prison, It took months before I even started to respond back to her. She never gave up on writing me and she did that for years. I thank GOD I let my friend talk me into reading her letters, because of her, I open my heart to GOD and walked back into church for the love of GOD.
I was not told I had to go to church when I came home, I went for GOD. I wanted to give my support. I ended up seeing a guy I had a problem with at the substation. I realized I did something bad that landed me back in prison for 2 years. I had two kids born in prison. I knew as a man I had to be a Man and be a good father when I came home. Because, my daughter was born and I was in prison I was ordered to pay a dollar for child support and I bought things for her when I came home. I just wasn’t allowed to be around. Her mother wishes this, so i just left things like I did for child support to allow me to be in my business. I really wanted to be a father to my daughter, but I guess that time will come.
Now my son is my hero, my everything my dude. I always kept my son with me. Now, for not having sex with my x friend, I was robbed and set up. I pulled up to the house, they started to shoot. I took a shot to the head, my son started to cry as I drove myself to the hospital. I blacked out when my son stopped crying and I was parked. My son was crying, yelling someone saw him, then saw me. They called the police. They got there fast and I was rushed to the hospital. I woke up in a nursing home. I could only move my neck and right leg. I ended up with two more kids right before that happened. So when I came out of my coma I had two more kids. I live in my room now doing my beats and music and business. I have fend for myself. For some reason I don’t get help from the state If you remember, I couldn’t move my body. It took 8 months before I started to show improvement. I never looked at this like I can’t. I been pushing because I didn’t work too long because the state ain’t doing too much.
I took my music and college degree and am working it for the better. You can type in jaihon Spivey3 on YouTube, look for my music. I stay talented in my head. My kids will know that there dad was shot in the head and never gave up. My oldest is my best friend, we always FaceTime daily. They will say, dad tried to drive himself to the hospital. I want them to keep going don’t stop. Nothing is impossible with GOD
I know you can do it. If you are reading this, please don’t give up on your mental health, keep going don’t stop
I love you more than anything. GOD loves you. Before I go, I was 30 when I got shot in my head
Love you
Jaihon Spivey
Phil
Hi there , just a little about myself , I lost my friend a fair few years ago , we always knew each other and grew up together but our friendship didnt really kick off till our late teenage years , we were very similar and hit it off just being lads having a laugh and enjoying ourselves . When he was taken from us it hit me hard but i chose not to show it keeping it bottled up , three months later I decided to jack my job in and become a scaffolder just like him I thought this would help my grief , I never told anyone how i felt , at first I felt good about it , all he wanted to do was be like his charge hand and eventually become a scaffold contracts manager , this was the man he was with when he died , I chose to pick him to train me to scaffold , this was hard very hard because i blamed him for his death , I suppressed my emotions biting my tounge every day, this made me guarded and angry not trusting anyone , I wanted to become as good as my friend Phil that died and made me very focused , this had profound effects on my life I never knew at the time , but my relationships failed , I ended getting into drinks and drugs and became very angry getting into dramas all the time , always debating whether I deserved to live or die , almost becoming self destructive , I did eventually become a scaffold contracts manager 15 years later , this is when I thought my pain would end but it seemed to be worse I had lost my purpose , my life nose dived so much I ended up looking in the mirror one day feeling heavy and the next thing I remember I was gasping for air with my ex girlfriend screaming and crying on top of me beating my chest , my health and life had gone to shit . I decided to do it all again at another firm from scratch to regain my health and purpose , it didnt work what so ever although my health returned , i achieved what i set out to do , I'd supressed so many emotions it turned me into a different person , it wasnt till I learnt to love myself and others and let my emotions out and grieve for my friend I was able to start to living my life as I should , I wouldnt of been able to deal with the suicide of my friend recently If i hadnt learned to come to terms with my emotions as a man , and let them out and talk to people about them , this is a stigma amongst men especially in the construction industry that needs to change as men we should al be able to confide in each other and be open with our emotions .
Reuben
Growing with both parents’ who suffered with alcoholism. Also was had ingrained family trauma by from being slaves in Louisiana. My Mum is a by product of a one night stand and did not know her dad. She suffered domestic violence and sexual assault. My Father grew up in the home with emotionally disconnected dad and he had no masculine figure he could look up to. I grew up with a lot of insecurities which differed from my sister who was an extrovert and complete opposite.
Growing up teachers and parents have a difficulty navigating me and found me difficult to keep quiet and still. At high school I felt more relaxed even though at home my mum used violence to try to keep me under control. Because of this I found it better to be out of the house away from the beatings. I even have one memory of an outside force which I believe to be my dad stopping my mum from beating and killing me. At 14 years old I was able to stand up for myself. Domestic violence is something that I grew up with and I also had to deal with the emotional pain of why I am here, nobody likes me or wants me.
In High school I felt more at home. I joined a Little League Team and realised that this was a good way to release some of my anger. I was also able to meet men who cared about me outside of my father. They taught me how to work through my problems.
I was raised as in a 7 day Adventist church and maintained my Christian beliefs up until 27. I grew up with a lot of fear. I was afraid that my family would not accept me. After 9/11 I got involved in a lot of religious campaigns that feared that god would come soon and other religious extremities. It was religious abuse. I met my wife, and both started taking on characteristic of judgement, focusing on the return of Christ and thinking that we would not survive on earth. Looking back, we were really depressed. I started questioning religion in my 20s and realised I could not move forward still believing.
I Joined the military 2005 and got married 2006. 9 months after my marriage, I was sent to Iraq. I was a military policeman and fell in love with the military culture. I could see that people valued me when my Family never had. There was a culture of teamwork and a streak of violent nature which I enjoyed.
In my marriage I thought love could keep us together, but realised money was also an issue.
When I came out of the military, I became very angry, and I did not like people’s perception that I was a killer. I could see that family and college peers did not feel safe around me. In 2010 I moved across to special forces. I went through a lot of traumatic experiences, such as picking up body parts and civilian casualties. It got dark after that because I had the expectation, I created and a lot of anger. I became a drill sergeant and wanted to help war fighters. However, it was different as it was an all-female environment which brought up my sexist issues and dis-trust with women. I never felt like I was seen by black women. This triggered a lot of issues. One day I was sent home. I was frustrated with one of the soldiers and lashed out. It is the first time that ever happened and I was told to go home and relax. My life spiralled out of control and I could have become an alcoholic. I was not happy with my life and could not be happy with my marriage.
I realised that I had a Sexual Addiction and gave into alcoholism. My sexual addiction was with the consent of my wife and did not do anything without her knowledge. We would have sexual experiences together but looking back I knew she only did this for me. This built resentment as she wanted a family and was excited about marriage and kids. I wanted to go out, play football, go to school but with a wife and kids I would have to work and create money. This was my victim mentality state. In this state I could just blame my wife for the reason I was not happy. I then moved to one of the hardest places, Alska. I know this was to punish my wife. I created sexual connections, infatuation and it was a very challenging and toxic environment.
I wanted to overcome this and build friendship and commitment with my wife. However, it already broke us, especially when she did not want to purse her career wanted to stay at home with the children. I was angry and felt that she was quitting on me. I thought that I was going to have to work twice as hard and felt resentful and jealous. The relationship completely fell apart. She went into her dark space. I had been in my dark space for a while, but I was not aware. It got bad. She could not take care of herself.
I thought god had betrayed me when I was in a dark place. I was very angry and removed my membership from the church.
Sexual dynamics was a strong issue with the wife. I was verbally abusive. I received the same from my mum and duplicated it. My Wife told me the relationship was over and I did not hear from her for 2 months. She called my military unit and got job involved, which consequently caused me to lose promotion opportunities because of the domestic relationship issues. I did not know where my family was. My wife had told people I sexually assault my daughter. I told my wife that she is not the same person anymore. The family supported her and at first believed everything she said. However, they soon realised that things were not adding up. The Family start seeing her depression. I do not know where my kids are and found it so hard. I could not sleep and found it very hard and reached out to a therapist for help. I sat down with a male therapist and went through my childhood trauma.
In 2018 we worked through the issues. I Have so much love and patience and grace for her. We healed and came back together. She got pregnant and is working every day on her mental health issues. Although there was a moment when I snapped. I heard my wife was beating the kids. This brought back a lot of issues from childhood. I wanted to heal and heal the alcoholism and addiction and went through the clinical psychology route to work on past insecurity and fears.
I now am focused on building my mental health, turning pain into purpose, help others with healing and forgiving my self and others for the pain.
Megan
I'm a 20 years old and had to build resilience through challenges.
From the age of 4 I didn't have the typical upbringing, my parents got divorced so I, along with my 2 older brothers was raised by my mother on her own. I rarely saw my dad as throughout my childhood he moved around a lot and at one point became homeless for a year before being housed by the council due to health complications.
When i was 13 my dad first got diagnosed (and treated for Cancer), me and my brothers went out for a meal with him (nothing seemed out of the ordinary as it was coming up to his birthday). Something felt different/off about how he was acting but I wouldn't find out the true reason why until a few months later. It turned out that that meal at the start of May 2015 could've been the last time i saw my dad as a few month later he was going to be undergoing surgery for his cancer. The doctors had said that he was unlikely to pull through it (but he did) and therefore the meal was for him to see us for the last time.
Just over 1 year later in September 2016 the next challenge awaited. My uncle (mum's Step-brother) took his own life. The struggle and pain just got too much for him and he decided he couldn't do it anymore. All this on a day where we (me and one of my brothers) were due to go out to a live event with our dad. This meant we had to make the decision to "hide" it from our dad "forget" it just for a few hours and enjoy the event or cancel on him (less than 1hr before he was supposed to pick us up) so we could have time to grieve etc. We collectively decided that because this event was something that was planned for months (and our dad was REALLY looking forward to it) that we would go and not tell our dad what had happened (he found out/ we told him in that December).
In November 2016, I went to the doctors struggling immensely with my mental health just to be turned away "because I was too young" (at 15) and so began the long, hard process of fighting (undiagnosed) mental health disorders on my own, whilst supporting my relatives through their grief too. Its safe to say that my family was my main priority and I focused on their healing as opposed to my own.
This amongst other family losses, court cases, other family drama/issues etc. led to me attempting to take my own life 4 times over a 3 year period with the final one in July 2020 after finding out that my dad had been diagnosed with cancer again (and losing my job at the time).
I then started a transition into becoming a Personal development coach (qualifying 1 year ago yesterday- 12/07/22🎉). Through all of these challenges i have found my passion and purpose and am now helping other people (particularly young people) through these challenges and using my pain for purpose.
I was introduced to the mendable family in May 2021 and I can truly say it IS a family. We are there for each other in the bad/hard times and the good times, we support each other and celebrate each other and I am so thankful that I was introduced to everyone and welcomed with open arms to everyone. This really is a mental health movement that is and will make a HUGE difference in mental health as a whole especially for men. This is going to reduce the stigma around mental health so much because it give EVERYONE a voice and a place to talk openly and honestly about whatever is on their minds.
Thank you all for reading this far.
Love to you all Mendable family
Doug
I became associated with Clubhouse about 16 months ago and because of my passion for helping others that struggle with health issues (both physically & mentally), I discovered the Mendable room by chance. I knew no one in the room and decided to investigate. Again, this was during the beginning stages of “our world correction” and I knew from experience how important it is to interact with like minded people. The moderator was (and continues to be), someone that cares about others and she had a great control of the room. It appeared from the beginning a very safe place (and because the room was set up for men), to unlock their innermost secrets & struggles. I learned that she was a nurse, so there was credibility, but she made it clear that the opinions are hers- she is not a mental health expert, but understands the signs of men that are struggling. I ended up sharing and the key point of that was being welcomed to this space. For someone that struggles with being accepted, it was a wonderful welcoming experience ! The room is now split to allow women (one day a week), to share their lives and struggles.